tribute to ayah

yesterday, 11/08/2011 was my father's 56 birthday.

happy birthday ayah, i love you.

ayah seorang yg hardcore. he just replied 'TQ' whenever i said i love you.

dulu, when i was with someone, i always thought that ayah is such an old-orthodox thinking type of person. because his father was super sporting, unlike ayah, at all. ayah wont even let him come pick me up when i want to go back to uia.
'dah xde mak bapak ke nak hantar awak?'

during secondary school-time, he did not approve the idea of hanging out with my friends in the mall. he DETEST that. i have to study most of the time, stay home cleaning up, cooking, baking and do all the household chores just because i am his only daughter. 'perempuan kena duduk rumah, buat kerja2 rumah, mana ada pmpn merayap'

he can be very harsh sometimes, he do not have to care about how others might feel, and that is all because he is AYAH, the leader of the family.

but now, when i am all grown up, i always try to look at glass half full.

everything that he did, i think i am grateful to be his only daughter. i might not be the best, i know i am 25 now but i have nothing to offer to you. just so you know, i am trying to improvise, to make something good and useful out of this dull life of mine.

happy birthday ayah. i hope you have achieve things that you wished for in your life.

there's a saying, but i cant recall the source, more or less it sounds like this,

"seorang anak gadis itu yang akan menentukan di mana kedudukan ayahnya, di syurga ataupun neraka"

a very simple, yet very deep statement. that is why up til now, i don't really think about marriage and such because for me, i still have unfinished business with ayah. i still cannot assure his place in jannah.. forgive me for that. i will try ayah.. i will..

angah used to say something that really makes me think.
'he spend 25 years nurturing you, fed you, support you. if ever he said something that is hurtful, demand things that you think is wayyy to ridiculous, think again. what have you give him in 25 years of your life? he has the rights ON you you know?

imagining you leaving me alone in this cruel world is unbearable. yes we do disagree and quarrel alot, but that doesn't mean i love you less. you will always be my hero. :)

the last time i went home, i think ayah is finally letting me go..

sickening

fed up dgn kehidupan yg merepek. kalau aku tahu begini nasib DEGREE nurses, aku dah stick je dgn engineering dulu.

people are so freaking narrow minded. i just dont know what's the big deal with DEGREE nurse. dah la mmg salary kalah/ sama dgn diploma grads, kerja asyik kena condemn.

bukankah memang logik, kalau baru kerja, kerja KURANG kompeten? apa, yg amek sijil, diploma semua mmg lahir2 terus terre insert NG tube terre insert CBD ke hape? i am not giving reasons, i'm just trying to justify my actions.

pastu tatau la kenapa susah gil nak terima kenyataan, skrg dah ramai degree grads, kita ni na maju ke depan bukan undur ke belakang. ko sijil ke, diploma ke, x kesah lah ada ke kitorang pandang hina korang? korang experience berpuloh2 tahun, mungkin boleh give and take, ko ajar kitorang practical, kitorang cerita psl theoretical aspect. kan win-win situation?

nak majukan nursing, nak nursing berdiri setaraf dgn profession2 lain. yeah right! prove it la! ni nak bising je condemn org sepjg masa. jomla bergerak seiringan !

pastu kejadah hape ko keluarkan product degree in nursing kalau ko xle nak hire bekerja! gov lgsg x pandang. igt belajar senang2 ke? dgn dah tua bangka baru nak grad. igt tidur golek2 dah dpt degree. camtu ke? devastated. truthfully i am. feels like 6 years of my life wasted down the drain. bila dah jadi camni, timbullah perasaan 'patutnya' yg bermacam2.

cuba sedaya upaya utk menjadi positif, tp kdg2 tersungkur juga dgn perasaan yg x reti nak bersyukur ni. tetapkanlah hatiku, moga2 terbalas segala tanda tanya dan pengorbanan yg telah dikorbankan di jalan nursing ini.. ikhlaskanlah hatiku Ya Allah.. :(

klarifikasi

assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera.

tujuan menulis post kali ini adalah untuk elaborate status yg penuh propaganda itu. niat di hati xde lgsg nak mengutuk org buruk ke hape, x pernah fikir pon diri ini cantik, cam tong drum ada la, sbb tu la x perlu melampau2. cuma nak menegur secara terbuka.

memang zahirnya seorang wanita tu senantiasa nak kelihatan cantik. sy sendiri pon nak nampak cantik. tp mengapa perlu berlebih2an? bersederhana itukan yg terbaik. sy x maksudkan semua pmpn kena pakai kepam2 pakai kain batik keluar berjln2. tp x perlulah kot kalau nak pakai color yg boleh menaikkan nafsu syahwat lelaki, pakai gaun singkat berlegging, tu pon nasib baik kalau nak pakai legging, pakai tudung 5 6 lapis tapi still x cover gak aurat fully. sorry ye kwn2 andai ada yg terasa tp ini persepsi sy, terpulang pd diri masing2 bagaimana hendak mentafsir nya.

satu lg, sy x fhm kenapa ada org mengambil negatif bila sy ckp 'cantik' . cantik tu amat subjektif, sy hanya mengatakan 'cantik' , tp ada ke sy melabelkan cantik itu sebagai '36-25-38' , putih cerah gigi tersusun rapi berbetis bunting padi atau bagai? sy hanya mengatakan cantik, sy tidak melabelkan cantik, atau mencirikan cantik tu bagaimana ye? lagipun itu hanya lah 'status facebook' dan patah huruf yg dibenarkan hanyalah beberapa ratus patah HURUF.

bercaantik2 itu tiada masalah, memang sgt digalakkan dlm Islam, lg2 bila kecantikan itu hanya dikongsi dgn encik suami. tetapi Islam juga menekankan kesederhanaan, jadi kita sebagai manusia berakal, khalifah Allah di muka bumi ini, boleh lah fikirkan dan membedakan yg mana baik dan yg mana buruk.

cantik ke x cantik, kalau ko overdress or pakai pelek2, manusia still akan pandang pelik. dan sy percaya, walaupun model hot kate moss pon x pernah nak mengaku dia cantik. ye konfiden itu penting, tp dari segi beberapa aspek shj. jgn pula nak konfiden x kena tpt, alamatnya kena maki dgn manusia sejagat.

sekian terima kasih dan harap maaf jika post ini mengguris hati sesetengah pihak.

KURANGKAN KONTROVERSI TINGKATKAN PRESTASI!

assalamualaikum

dah lama x menaip. ketiadaan masa dan juga ketiadaan idea. tapi harini, terasa nak mencoret sedikit..

kebelakangan ini, banyak sangat dugaan yang diterima oleh orang2 sekeliling saya..

best friend sendiri, Allah uji.. masa kahwin, Allah berinya dengan ipar dan mertua yg baik2, caring, memang idaman la, tapi 3 4 hari kemudian, Allah tarik SESUATU nikmat dari dia.. terlibat dlm kemalangan jln raya, sebelah tangan dah x boleh function.. malahan 2 jari terpaksa dibuang kerana 'gangrene'..

"xpe bung.. apalah sgt 2 jari ini nak dibandingkan dgn nikmat Allah dah bagi kat aku seluas alam.. keluarga 'baru' yg baik2.. kwn2 yg mengambil berat.. byk lagi mende lain yg aku boleh syukur kot!"

seorang lagi kwn, adik nya pergi meninggalkan mereka sekeluarga.. tapi dgn cara yg amat menyedihkan.. melihat kuatnya dia dan ibu, menguruskan perihal adik, terpaksa bertindak seperti seorang ayah memandangkaan ayahnya tiada. dgn majlis perkahwinan beliau yg akan menyusul 2 3 minggu lagi, kuat dan tabahnya seorang rakan.. diuji sebegitu sekali..

" huhu xpe aku ok je. tu la, dulu aku selalu pk, kalau aku x balik kg selalu, belajar rajin2, dpt result elok, kerja elok2, mak aku mesti faham.. mak aku mesti banggaa.. skrg aku rs menyesal.. aritu adik aku tanya bila nak melawat dia plak kat kampung, aku wat tatau je sbb mkn dlm.. tapi nak buat camne.. ko igt ria, pape hal pon family first, kalau jadi apa2 at least ko x menyesal, ko tau ko dah buat yg terbaik.."

semlm pula, pulang dari melawat rakan tersebut, dapat berita sedih lg.. pakcik saya masuk ICU.. leptospirosis.. keadaan agak kritikal.. x sure mana dapat kencing tikus, tp beliau baru pulang dari fraser hill, most probably infected ketika disana.. besok saya akan ke melaka utk melawat beliau.. mencuri sedikit masa off kerja yg ada utk melawat..

bila org sekeliling diuji sebegini, tiba2 terdetik di hati ini.. apakah kalau saya, berada di tpt mereka ni, adakah saya mampu menghadapinya dgn hati yg terbuka? adakah saya akan redha dgn ketentuan Yang Esa?

terasa betapa kecilnya permasalahan yg saya hadapi,
bergaji 'kecil'?
overweight?
x kahwin lagi? xde anak, waris lagi?
jauh dgn keluarga?
berselisihan faham dgn rakan2?

nothing.. nothing compare to what they have to face.. jadi disini marilah kita sama2 mendoakan kesejahteraan org2 disekeliling.. rakan2.. saudara mara.. kita takan pernah tahu, nikmat yg Allah berikan tu berapa lama.. semua yg terbentang ni hak Dia.. kalau dia nak balik, siapakah kita utk menidakkan hakNya.. cuba menerima dgn hati dan tgn yg terbuka.. cuba improvise diri kita sendiri.. sekiranya tiba2 Allah dtg menjemput, adakah kita dah bersedia..

peringatan utk diri sendiri jua.. bukan setakat berasa bagus nak sound org je.. sama2 kita berusaha menjadi hamba Allah yg lebih diredhai..

wassalam.

ayat-ayat cliche gadis2 berambut cantik

assalamualaikum w.b.t.

hah seperti terteranya tajuk diatas, jom kita kaji ayat2 cliche yg perempuan berambut cantik, ataupun yg confident cantik suka gunakan.

1. x sampai seru lagi la nak pakai tudung/ pakai menutup aurat.

hah ni mmg paling common kan? hai kalau ko dah terasa nak bertudung, bertudung tu cantik, tgk org lain pakai tudung suka, dah tu ko nak tunggu seru camne lagi? nak malaikat maut dtg menyeru dulu ke baru nak pakai tudung? sheesh la people! kira kalau ko dah attracted tu kira cam seruan la. korang expect seru camne lagi haihhhh. jgn la nak deny your feelings, and x abes2 tunggu 'seru'. kang kalau dah mati before sempat tutup aurat camne??

2. org pakai tudung pon ada gak jahat, mulut jahat buat maksiat diam2, solat lubang2. baik tyh pakai tudung!
perlulah anda ketahui, memakai tudung itu tuntutan agama, Allah yg suruh, bukan org2 poyo yg pakai tudung tapi buaat maksiat, solat lubang2 tu. maknanya mende tu fundamental, kalau mende fundamental pon korang tnk buat, amalan lain camne eh?

contohnya ko masuk contest '100plus', pastu ko nak menang ni, ko isikanlah semua butiran peribadi, tapi sekali ko lupa nak reka slogan yg 100plus suruh tu. ko rasa ko boleh menang x contest? mende tu penting kot?


3. ala kalau bertudung pon on off watpe? pakai tudung x cover dada watpe? lengan baaju pendek kenapa? baik x bertudung!

hah yg ni mmg favourite. yg ko nak compare kan diri dgn org2 yg x elok tu watpe? sampai mati pon takan maju kot! bayangkan kalau Malysia tercinta ni asyik nak banding dgn indon, mmg la nampak bagus! cuba bnding dgn singapura, hah x ke down to the ground! belum bnding dgn UK ke US ke hape ke.

bagi org yg suka suki nak pakai tanak pakai, yg pakai tudung tapi setakat cover leher, lengan nak tanak ada tu, baju sendat bernafas pon nampak perut turun naik, *ek ehem* tlg la review balik kenapa ko pakai tudung. sbb mak bapak paksa dari kecil ke, sbb bf/suami suruh ke, sbb rasa ISLAM gila ah ko pakai tudung, sbb nak kutuk org lain yg x pakai tudung seksi2 tu ke. supposedly menutup aurat tu sesuatu yg indah, menarik hati non-muslim dan menarik hati org2 yg pakai seksi2 ni. ni kerja asyik nak perasan alim gila pakai tudung padahal ***** terboleng2.


4. hah suka la kau kalau pembangkang yg memerintah! nanti diorang wajibkan semua org pakai purdah hah pdn muka kau!

hah sejak bila bertudung ke tak ni hukum pembangkang? x kira la barrack obama ke hosni mubarak ke mahatma gandhi ke memerintah, bertudung atau tidak itu hukum ALLAH! jangan nak merapu sgt boleh tak??

5. alangkan pelacur bagi minum anjing pon boleh masuk syurga, ko fikir ko pakai tudung ko mmg ahli syurga la?

ni satu lagi. mak aihhh ko tahu ke darjah ke'sincere'an pelacur ini bila dia bgi minum air? ni jela satu-satunya modal korang nak bercakap bila org tegur psl tudung kan??

6. eh pakai tudung pon belum tentu ko masuk syurga la weh.

aku x ckp pakai je tudung terus jadi ahli syurga, tapi its another step closer to. and a prevention, it protects u from unwanted attention from guys yg jahat.

7. eh kubur masing-masing la weh! lantak ah nak pkai tudung ke tak!

ah ni mmg kepantangan aku. mmg menyirap gila kalau org nak ckp camni. mcm xde hotak uneducated gila ckp 'kubur masing2'. ok fine fine! apa kata kalau ko rasa2 dah nak mati, korang gali kubur sendiri? pastu korang pandai2 la adjust camne pon, nak kambus tanah tu pon auto sendiri? bongek. ckp guna kepala otak bukan kepala patella eh. ko mmg la mati kubur sendiri2, tapi nanti akhirat dibangkitkan korang akan blame kwn2 jugak kan kenapa x remind korang dulu2?? ah time tu kalau ko nak blame aku mmg kena flying kick la kan. stustu.


jadi renung-renungkanlah para gadis rupawan berambutt cantik. aurat tu woh! if im not mistaken, ayah pernah ckp kalau sekali org bukan muhrim tgk rambut awak. 3 juta thn kena bkr kepala dlm neraka. tau x kisah isra' mi'raj? yg pmpn kena gantung dgn menggunakan rambutnya dah dibakar hidup2. kerana dia tidak berhijab. peringatan ini utk diri sendiri jua.

wassalam.

assalamualaikum!

good evening! i love you and you and you and you! ;)

a weekend well spent, i m ecstatic!

saturday morning breakfast with along, k ina, farhah and ADIB! yippie!

saturday evening with beloved hazlan!

sunday with precious hany, jun and umirah for pusrawi's walkathon!

sunday afternoon with darling fiey and anim! my new friend!

sunday night attending nana's wedding at dewan merak, accompanied by bff since matric, masyitah and alia and sakinah!

i am truly happy! all the people i love packed in 2 days. oh oh oh!

btw, congrats to nana and ejad, you guys made it! congrats! :)

beep beep!

assalamualaikum and a very good evening!

i read it, i love it. u should try this entry from:

theKnot

which one do i like the most?

25. Being married to your best friend is better than any wildly romantic fairy tale anyone could dream up. There's something about being with someone who can always make you laugh, who you can be crazy with, who you can be honest with, who you know will always be there to say, "I love you more than you'll ever know."

huhu. nice eh?

i think i'm having a crush on my besfren. OMG! haha he wont take me seriously. but really, his presence never fail to make me smile. thanks for the great years! i will always treasure you and i really hope that you will get a girl who deserves you. :)

all the single ladies!

assalamualaikum! dan selamat petang!

harini tayah kerja sister call tadi jadi saya akan ke shah alam! yeayeah!

arini nak ckp psl mende yg common terjadi pada rakan-rakan yg single, di umur suku abad ni.

adalah sy observe beberapa org kwn, apabila telah melngkah ke angka 25 ni, ramai yg dah goyah dan merasakan perlunya ada lelaki dlm hidup, perlunya KAHWIN dgn kadar segera sbb dah 25.

biological clock is ticking you know!

sampaikan, tanpa berfikir panjang, hanya merembat mana2 lelaki yg dtg approach. hah disitu dah dinamakan 'buta kayu'. nak ckp bengot pon boleh jugak.

yes 25 is a hugeeee number. tapi relax la, kalau camtu camne pula perasaan org berumur 26 thn tp masih single? 27? 28? 35? 40? 68? eh 68 tu dah over sudah tentulah akan kena panggil andartu. haha!

dah sejak bilanya 25 dah kena panggil andartu? merapu betul manusia skrg ni. igt zmn skrg sama ke dgn zmn dolu2 org pmpn ddk rumah belajar masak kemas dapur je umur 16 dah kawen? gilo hapo! skrg pon kalau sambung study degree pon busuk 23 baru abes blaja kot! skrg pon paling gempak pernah jumpa patient, org asli, umur 15 dah jadi janda anak satu. hoh gilo! aku time 15 thn tgh selok makan kepok lg kat kantin. patut bdn camni asyik selok mkn haha!

eh berbalik pada nawaitu asal. nak ckp psl mende ni. lately ni, aku nengok ramai pmpn, main pakai tibai je janji ada. maksudnya, daripada hidup single mingle, diorang just accept any guys yg dtg dlm hidup diorang. bukan nak ajar korang memilih dan menjadi super annoying cam pmpn hot perasan bagus, tapi, korang mesti dah ada kan certain preference in a guy. and supposedly, makin lama ko single, makin ramai couple bermasalah ko jumpa, jadi sepatutnya ko makin tahu la camne laki yg ko nak kan? tapi kenapa, bila dah usia makin meningkat, makin pelik manusia ko terima nyah?

antara kategori2 yg penting, satu ni la main concern aku.

as u all know. pmpn masa kini ramai yg melanjutkan pelajaran, manakala lelaki ramai pergi mana entah dunia dah cam nak pupus je jantan? *salah satu tanda nak kiamat?*

tidaklah menyuruh memilih, tapi at least, pilihlah someone yg sesuai dgn ko? adakah 25 bermaksud ko perlu accept semua lelaki yg dtg approach? mboh kalau camtu aku dah kawen umur 23 dulu kot?? *cis perasan hot pula disini*

jauh sgt gap between bf-gf agak susah k. nak communicate pon susah. tp if u r willing to then it's ok la. tp jgn ko dah accept mamat tu, suddenly ko rasa susahlah mesti mak bapak x suka lah ape semua, mmg nak kena kaki la kan. time nak dulu main accept je pastu baru nak nyesal2, mmg di x sepandai ko tp dia ada feelings gak kot?

eh dah nak masuk zuhur. penatlah bebel2. kesimpulannya, think wisely. jgn main sebat je rasa semua lelaki yg approach ialah 'the one sent from above'. istiqoroh dulu kalau susah sgt. pastu jgn nak perasan la kan ko istiqoroh sekali pastu terus mendapat jawapan dr Allah. padahal ko mimpi dia sbb ko dah mmg gila bayang dia! peh, semayang lobang2, baju sendat mendat, bertepuk tampar dgn jantan bapak best kalau Allah sesenang camtu je bagi petunjuk. kenalah istiqamah, pastu jaga aurat jaga makan minum jaga solat.

mungkin org yg berkawin cepat ni dah rezeki dia nak wat camne, happy je la utk mereka, yg belum sampai seru ni chill la! nanti tiba masa kawen la. pfftt!

tapi sumpah pantang gila bila org tanya 'awak bila lagi?' nak je mengamok lagi2 kalau umur2 sebaya, org tua2 confirm akan tanya la kan, ni age sebaya koya nak jadi org tua. tapi bg menampak kan lebih cool aku pon menjawab sambil menyanyi lagu casey 'bila resah, ingat saat indah, bila rindu, kunyanyikan lagu...'

ok dah nak gerak shah alam nanti yaya bebel plak lambat. bye kengkawan!



ni wedding kawan aku. comel kan? tp gmbr ni mas plak x nampak! haha sorry!

weds weds weds! :)

assalamualaikum w.b.t.

apa khabar pagi2 dinihari? indahkan bercuti? utk anda semua mungkin ye tp saya terpaksa bekerja demi sesuap nasi. tapi xpe gaji dabel yeay!

ok. actually nak share pictures of my best friends' wedding, both of them are. simple yet very elegant! i loveeeee it! congrats to you both. me hearty you and you!

some pics to share.

akad nikah, 2115 hours, 29th january 2011.

sgt comel! :)


kawan2 tlg meng'amin'kan doa encik pengantin baru. :)



adakah kerana beliau seorang ADO jadi kami semua terpaksa buat posing 1malaysia?

*peh mubin pls tgk aku siap address ko BELIAU hokeh!*


bakal kena hempas!


curi2 hamek gambar time pengantin busy kat luar! hehe. suka sgt pic ni!


mas' reception, 1200noon, 30th january 2011.


hah semek ni! bukan main gaya konon mengarang best2, tapi nak tengok tak kejadah apa yg dia tulis?


padahal lukis gmbr tahi je pastu angkat buku tinggi2 nak cium buku. haha!


the golden girls. i heart all of you! ;) (MIA: betty and asha).



gedik2 sket... hahA!


the ex-smartians yg hadir. :)


the best thing, reunite with my form5 class teacher, cikgu rozita!! serious pelok2 x tahu malu haha!


post-wedding activity, karaoke session is a must. ;p



tahu x dalam ramai2 ni semua, siapa yg terpaling hot?


kepada ae and epy, korang tgk je la gmbr2 ni. sape suh menggeletis nak gi aussie. jgn lupa bwk balik wombat seko.

zaireen pula, dah konon2 nak kena transfer kuantan balik, sila lah bawak udang balik byk2.

sekian!

hypocrisy

ok tiba2 hari ni rajin nak menaip. ayuh! hehe. nak bincangkan psl 'hypocrite'

ok what is hypocrite? based on merriam-webster,

' a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings'

for me, i rs ada 2 type. satu yg positif, satu yg negatif.

positif:

bila kita kurang menyukai, tp tidak membenci org, tp kita tidak menunjukkan kebencian kpd org tersebut. kira hypocrite ke camtu?

adakah itu bermaksud, kalau kita x berapa dgn org tu, kita perlu menunjukkan kebencian kpd seluruh umat manusia?

bukan ke nanti akan jadi lebih keruh?

bcos for me, if ada org x suka aku, aku lg prefer dia buat biasa je, rather than tarik muka dan jeling2 depan2. chill la weh, mcm semua org suka kau? tp faham2 bahasa la if that person dont talk to you that much, or x amek tahu sgt psl ko, faham2 sendiri la then back off. get it?

if that is why you are calling me hypocrite, then i wont argue. guilty as charged. i have my own stand. and i think it's for the best. :)

negatif:

'hypocrite' is a very strong word, kdg2 bila org ckp hypocrite ni org kaitkan dgn munafiq. so choose your word wisely. :)

renung-renungkanlah, sekiranya anda jenis manusia yg sgt straight forward, dan anda menganggap bercakap secara terus terang tanpa memikirkan perasaan org lain, dgn alasan tidak menyimpan apa2 dlm hati, think again, mmg anda tidak mengumpat (la sangat, pdhl nanti brag kat org lain anda sound direct kat dia) dan bagai, tp melukakan hati dan perasaan org lain, x kira berdosa ke?

kita ni dalam komuniti yg bsr,bekerja bersama2, bukan utk jangka masa pendek je, demi memberikan perawatan yg terbaik utk semua.

solusi: learn to let go. kurang menyukai seseorang, jauhkan diri sedikit,, mungkin ambil sedikit masa utk menerima dia. jgn sampai putus kawan, tp ko mesti igt dlm otak yg ko pon entah disukai ke tidak, so jgn membenci org, let go, dia ada kekurangan dia, ko ada kekurangan ko, kalau nak perfect sepanjang masa susah la weh. LET GO.

manusia

manusia tu mmg susah nk reti bersyukur kan?

yg gemuk nak kurus.

yg kurus nak gemok.

yg bdn mantap nak muka licin.

yg muka licin tnk pucat sgt.

yg pucat nak gelap sikit.

yg gelap nak cerah.

wah terlalu byk! anda berada di kategori mana? ;)

bersyukurlah dgn nikmat yg Allah kurniakan. kang kena tarik balik kang baru tahu.
see! sweet je. x kurus x gemok x hitam x pucat. thank you Allah for all Your blesses. :)

hahahahh dah kena marah baru reti nak bersyukur!

dunno. dont care.

me being paranoid about relationship. i have my own reason. and i don't appreciate being judged by people who barely know me.

you dont know what i have to go thru. so dont assume things that u have no idea of. yes it's been 3 years, and its not that i'm not over him, its just. when someone who matters the most for u, betray you, lie to you, each and every single thing that you thought u know him, it's just not that easy to start all over again. picking up the pieces, all on your own. and i think it's not fair for me to pu the blame on him solely but i am easily affected by that. i might not show my weaknesses, but think again, i'm only a girl, how strong can i be?

i hate the idea of turning over a new leaf,
i hate the idea of getting to know a guy,
i hate the idea of being cheated,
i hate the idea of being pleased just to shut me up.

i'm down at my lowest, not being able to start a new relationship is my fault most probably, but it is something i faced before. i am so sorry.

or maybe, maybe, i just haven't met the right one. pray for me dear friends.

bee boo bee boo

i love my ayah. he's everything to me. walaupun bermulut jahat, hati dia baik. always being super duper overprotective, because i think i will always be his little girl.

i love my ibu. very very much. ibu is the one who make it possible for me. in each and every way, she's being so supportive. she's the best gossip partner ever.

i love along as well. along helps me alot, especially in settling the car business. sorry along menyusahkan awak, kena deal dgn ayah lagi dgn bank lg. huhu.

i love angah the most. even though he bullies me back when we were still cute and adorable. UNBEARABLE. sumpah dia jht gila tp xle cerita sbb terlalu memalukan. haha! we still argue alot every now and then, have some disagreement, but he is the one i can always turn to. tp tadah telinga je la kan. haha! and he never forgets to buy things for us. *haha sebab ni sayang lebih* really! sometimes when i'm going out, i always look myself in the mirror and realize something. 'ya Allah! harap tudung je beli sendiri, kasut, jeans, baju, beg semua angah belikan. perfume pon!!! gila loser' T_T

i love adik! yes he is my blackie, and he will always be my baby bro no matter how tall he is now, how huge his stomach is, because apart of him still wants attention and manja. but nowadays he is like the only one that we can count on. doing the household chores.

currently, i am very mad at im. i still cant accept the fact that he is smoking. he was caught few days ago, when i'm in kuantan. i am very devastated. i dont even know where does he learn all of this, because all of his close friends didnt smoke. it is a small thing, but for me, it's still hard to digest. he will always be my little bro, so i need some time to adapt with it.

i can still remember in form 2, when i discovered that angah was smoking. i ran to the toilet and i cried. cant remember for how long. i am still paranoid..

work is great, payment is a big dissapointment, i am trying to manage myself properly, money is always a problem for me. tu la boros. T_T